BARBWIRE
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ANDREW BARBANO
Pirate Laureate of the High Desert Outback of the American Dream
The Barbwire Molly Ivins Memorial Columniator Hall of Flames


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Je Suis Charlie
"Our republic and its press will rise or fall together." — Joseph Pulitzer

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"Media is the plural of mediocre."
— Jimmy Breslin (1928-2017)


   Everybody knows the dice are loaded.
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.
   Everybody knows the war is over.
Everybody knows the good guys lost.
   Everybody knows the fight was fixed.
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich.
   That's how it goes.

Everybody knows.


I hope you understand
I just had to go back to the island.

Leon Russell, 1942-2016


More stupid signs of our republic's decline
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 1-2-2019 Sparks Tribune / Updated 1-3-2019


Greatest Hits Dept.

WE WON: BIG NEWS FROM THE NEVADA PRESS ASSOCIATION CONFAB IN GOMORRAH SOUTH —> BARBWIRE NOMINEE GUY RICHARDSON INDUCTED INTO HALL OF FAME ON FIRST BALLOT

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The 9th Muse
Barbwire wins 9th Nevada Press Association award

GOLD 2017-18

2018 First-Place Winners

From the depths of despair to the den of iniquity & holy of holies

"Excellent work. These are some of the most moving columns I've read."
— NPA contest judge/9-29-201
8

The Grasshopper and
the Dragonfly

9-6-2017

Kicked off the Ledge
4-18-2017

NATIONAL NEWS FIRST-BREAK
Back to the Future in
Mississippi West Nevada

10-18-2017

Gold 2017
Don't ask Renown Med for marijuana to help your chemo

10-4-2016
We Don't Need No Education
Toxic turf threat ignored

12-13-2016
Kate Smith & Lady Gaga
2-14-2017

Bronze 6-pack
In the Uber-Nevada legislature, words can kill
4-28-2015
On artificial turf, don't breathe unless absolutely necessary (above)
11-24-2015
Leading questions, lead-headed leaders
1-19-2016

Hopelessly trying to win an earthquake
4-18-2013
2013 Loony Tunes Legislative Lexicon
5-30-2013
The politics of media ga-ga boosterism
3-20-2014

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We Don't Need No Education—>
Neverending Barbwire Series

1997 Pulitzer Prize entries

Barbwire.TV:
15-year overnight success

Daily Sparks Tribune 2-10-2008

The Barbwire's Greatest Hits
Highlights from radio days
mp3 file

The Dean's List

   The Dean of Reno Bloggers could very well be Andrew Barbano, self-described "fighter of public demons," who started putting his "Barbwire" columns online in 1996 and now runs 10 sites.

RENO NEWS & REVIEW, 11-9-2006

Tomorrow's news today —> Subscribe to Barbwire Confidential
TOP SECRET— HushHush!

 

In addition to all the red flags and warning lights flashed by us unpatriotic denizens of fake news media, equally serious signals from the frivolous end of reality abide. So let's begin with the end.

     10. RUMPELSTILTSKINNY DIPPING. In an economic slump we increasingly share, the Chinese government has found one positive rump index to tout: sales of men's boxers and briefs have climbed up China's rust belt. The rest of their economy has its shorts in a bunch, kinda like us.

Remember the once-infallible Super Bowl stock index? If a team from the old NFL won the championship of our national religion, the Dow-Jones would rise by year's end. If a former AFL team won, sell.

The coin-flip streak lasted two decades and has since been blown several times, most recently in 2018 with Philly upsetting the New England Brady Bunch.

      9. TERMINAL SKINNY. Fashion models have long been Photoshopped to appear skinner and leggier, fueling our national eating disorder epidemic. (See "Bliss Barbies" in the 2-7-2018 Barbwire.)

I predict that the U.S. will never go as far as Brazil where breast REDUCTION has been a fad for two decades. The UK, I dunno.

Last week, Buckingham Palace announced that prepubescent former 1960s supermodel Twiggy will soon be knighted by the queen. (The term "dame" is not considered in good taste on this side of the pond. And I don't wanna see Twiggy damned.)

      8. KALE. Popular with Twiggy and her spawn of lettuce eaters. It would taste the same and be cheaper to just shred green copy paper. Bon apétit.

      7. HAIKU. Makes even bad cowboy poetry look literate.

      6. ALTERNATIVE FACTS FROM FAKE NEWS MEDIA who continue to use "media" as a singular noun. This newspaper is a MEDIUM, dammit. I like the late great New York columnist Jimmy Breslin's definition better: "Media is the plural of mediocre." Touché.

      5. CENSORING CENSORS. "Family Guy" creator and one-off Oscar host Seth McFarlane's sci-fi spoof "The Orville" just began its second season on (where else) FOX.

Last year, two gay-ish male alien crewmembers had a female baby. Their culture demanded that her sex be changed to male, as they came from a male-only society. After much handwringing, the motherish figure of the two acquiesced.

McFarlane's little morality play then whipped one past the censors. The former girl-baby would be named "Topa." So what?

Well, that's Italian for female genitalia, that's what. Zounds. George Carlin, call your office.

Ciao.

      4. UGLY TATTOOS ON BEAUTIFUL BODIES. As did her mother Lisa Bonét in May of 1988, gorgeous Zoë Kravitz posed nude on Rolling Stone's cover last November.

Bonét had been fired from TV's number one show by that paragon of phony prissy virtue Bill Cosby, PhD, and was two months pregnant with Zoë at the time. (Bonét was axed for co-starring in the occult thriller "Angel Heart" with Robert DeNiro and Mickey Rourke.)

Rolling Stone re-printed her mom's 1988 photo. It's almost impossible to tell the two cafe au lait beauties apart. Save for the ugly tattoos which deform the daughter.

The tattoo fad will signal its own end when engineers start getting inked. Sociologists know that pocket-protector types are the most conservative among us and thus last to follow a trend. Demographers determined that the facial hair trend was coming to an end when engineers started wearing whiskers 20 years ago.

Metrosexual fashion has now proceeded back to the 1980s Miami Vice stubble-bum look.

      3. BLOW-UP DOLL MANNEQUIN BROTHELS have been found illegal wherever someone's tried. Good. They are bad for Nevada business, not only for legal cow-county cathouses but all the casinos who provide pretty pleasurers to high rollers. (I am certain that this Nevada legend is totally fake news.)

      2. DEEP FRIED FROZEN quarter-pounders of butter on a stick. Popular at midwestern county fairs. No wonder the farm states voted for Trump.

      1. FRIED CHICKEN WITH WAFFLES. Several respected local restaurants are serving that abomination and KFC has gotten into the act.

"Ya'll want deep-fried butter with that?"

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: A Massachusetts union man forwarded this Tweet: "If Trump can 'shut down the border' as he threatens, why does he need a wall?" Amen.

SHUT DOWN THE SHUTDOWN. The new Congress can just pass a budget bill and over-ride Czar Donaldov's spiteful veto. So what's the problem?

BARBWIRE CONFIDENTIAL: My die-hards will soon receive early warning of some serious happenings of which the rest of the fake news media remain blissfully unaware. I ain't over-promising. Subscribe at BallotBoxing.US, strictly HUSH-HUSH!

Hope you and yours enjoyed Happy High Holly Days.

I'm giving you the rest of this week off, then back to work in search of auld liberty's rejuvenation. Ponce de León, call your office.

More sobering predixions next week.

HAPPY NEW YEAR / Feliz Año Nuevo / Felice Anno Nuovo / beste Wuensche fuer 2019

Be well. Raise hell.
Esté bien. Haga infierno. (Pardon my Spanglish.)
être bien, élever l'enfer (And my French.)
Stammi bene. Scatenare l'inferno. (And Italian.)

______________
Andrew Barbano is a 50-year Nevadan, executive producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, superannuated labor/consumer/civil rights advocate, member of Communications Workers of America Local 9413/AFL-CIO and editor of NevadaLabor.com and BallotBoxing.US and SenJoeNeal.org and DoctorLawyerWatch.com/ As always, his opinions are strictly his own. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Sparks Tribune since 1988 and received its ninth Nevada Press Association award (6th first-place) at the 29 Sept. 2018 NPA annual convention in Las Vegas. (Such ephemera and about six bucks will get you a Latte Mocha Cotsafracas Chingade at just about any Starbux worldwide, guaranteed.)

WEB XTRAS & SMOKING GUNS —>

PINK SLIPS, PURGES AND PRUNING. I need to hear from recently purged Eldorado Hotel-Casino, Circus Circus-Reno and Silver Legacy employees. Barbwire spies report perhaps 100 workers getting the ax just in time for the holidays. In this newspaper, at Barbwire.US and in the London Guardian, I have lamented the deepening desperation of renters here in Tesla boomtown.

I'm now getting complaints about medical and dental practices purportedly pruning their patient loads, cutting loose the less-lucrative. That's de facto malpractice but medical professionals are lawsuit-proof under Nevada law — unless you're rich enough to personally pay a few hundred grand in legal fees.

That's why TV lawyers only advertise for arrest or accident cases these days. If you've been cast adrift by patient pruning, call me at (775) 882-TALK or e-mail me.

Sore-oppressed Soul-Sister Cities: Menlo Park and Reno-Sparks-Fernley share similarly sad high-tech stretch marks

"All humanity has left the area": paying for Tesla's Gigafactory
Barbano and Nevada conservatives decry corporate welfare depredations

By Rory Carroll / The Guardian 7-3-2018

Editor's Note: The Guardian publishes 180,000 newspapers daily in London and environs and generates ONE BILLION monthly web page views.
(I should live so long.)

[MUCH MORE TESLACIDE]

"Facebook is taking everything": rising rents drive out Silicon Valley families
Property companies advertising their proximity to Facebook’s campus are giving low-income residents a choice: pay a huge rent increase or move out
By Sam Levin / The Guardian 6-20-2018


Peruse the Underbelly of the News —> Subscribe to Barbwire Confidential

For all the news you never knew you needed to know 'til now: Tell your friends and friendly enemies to subscribe to Barbwire Confidential for warm laughter, cheap thrills, hot scoops and occasional cold logic at BallotBoxing.US/ Cheap at twice the price. (Hush Hush!)

Last year's dark foreshadowings unfortunately became reality. I thus suggest inoculation by signing onto the HushHush! list at BallotBoxing.US/ It's cheap as well as enlightening entertainment. Thank you kindly for your support.

Smoking Guns—>

Crystal Balls: Peerless Predixions 2019 & Beyond
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 12-26-2018 Sparks Tribune
So this is Christmas: May we get what we deserve
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 12-19-2018 Sparks Tribune
Melvin and Howard: The untold reality show
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 12-12-2018 Sparks Tribune / Updated 12-14-2018
A Christmas fantasy for freedom-loving racists
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 12-5-2018 Sparks Tribune
A pledge of allegiance for our empire's children
Editor
's note:
The above was published before the death of President George HW Bush. His record survives him.
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 11-28-2018 Sparks Tribune

Trumptasic tree ornaments for fun and prophet
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 11-21-2018 Sparks Tribune
Bluish waves, silver bullets, yellow dogs & chickens
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 11-14-2018 Sparks Tribune
If we stop killing, we stop killing ourselves
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 11-7-2018 Sparks Tribune
Personal & political hygiene for fun & prophet
The Nevada connection to murdered Saudi Jamal Khashoggi
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 10-24-2018 Sparks Tribune
BallotBoxing '18: Maximum confusions & contusions
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 10-17-2018 Sparks Tribune
Great Depression 2.0: Sure cure for what ails us
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 10-10-2018 Sparks Tribune
50 shades of rape: Tales of future past
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno / Expanded from the 10-3-2018 Sparks Tribune

Barbwire 30th Anniversary Trilogy
Now well into a 4th decade of equal opportunity harassment of the rich, famous & powerful
Sunday, August 12, 2018, marked 30 years since the first Barbwire appeared in the Rail City's newspaper of record since 1910. "The Chilling of Hot August Nights" brought the first of nine Nevada Press Association awards. I'll add more memories of the early days of the Barbwire as time, space and the political season allow. (See above right.)

Part 3: Biting the hand that feeds me
GOP '18 upsets: Déjà vu all over again
Laxalt and Heller favored to win in November
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 9-5-2018 Sparks Tribune
Part 2: Biting the moonhowlers
Good reasons to lie to those pesky pollsters
Heller eats sheep balls to get the courage to perpetrate guilt by association
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 8-29-2018 Sparks Tribune
Part 1: Bitten by my buds
Machine Gun Michele and her low-caliber, low-cut friends
The censored Barbwires of the 2015 legislature finally see ink and my fantasy fiancée bares all
Barbwire by Andrea Luigi Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 8-22-2018 Sparks Tribune

30 Years before the masthead: Barbano remembers the Barbwire's greatest hits
By Kayla Anderson / Sparks Tribune 8-22-2018

Barbwire by Barbano moved to Nevada's Daily Sparks Tribune on Aug. 12, 1988, and has originated in them parts ever since.
Whom to blame: How a hall-of-famer's hunch birthed the Barbwire in August of 1987
Tempus fugit.


$75 dead or alive: Still crazy after all these years
A mass murderer becomes famous on TV a century later

How come nobody noticed 'til now?
Barbwire by Andrew Barbáno
/ Expanded from the 2-21-2018 Sparks Tribune

Triangle Shirtwaist Factory owners Max Blank and Isaac Harris. Is not Mr. Harris eerily familiar to television junkies?

From the Emmy-winning opening slate of the blockbuster "Cheers" television series. Combined with its "Frasier" spinoff, it lasted 20 years.
The "shirtwaist kings" immigrated from Russia and made a fortune manufacturing "Gibson Girl"-style blouses. (Photo, "The American Experience"/PBS)
The Emmy-winning opening slate of the "Cheers" television series before the "slate" of creators is superimposed. Looks like Mr. Harris' dead ringer (at left) is having a bloody good time.

"Who ya gonna believe, me or your own eyes?" Chico Marx disguised as Groucho Marx in "Duck Soup" (1933)
Back to the story of the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist holocaust

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Copyright © 1982-2019 Andrew Barbano

Andrew Barbano is a 50-year Nevadan, editor of NevadaLabor.com and SenJoeNeal.org; and former chair of the City of Reno's Citizens Cable Compliance Committee. He is the executive producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration and serves as first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP. As always, his opinions are strictly his own. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us.

Barbwire by Barbano moved to Nevada's Daily Sparks Tribune on Aug. 12, 1988, and has originated in them parts ever since.
Whom to blame: How a hall-of-famer's hunch birthed the Barbwire in August of 1987
Tempus fugit.

Betty J. Barbano
2-7-1941 / 12-27-2005

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