Love hurts. I know. Because of my passion for one Italian girl, this column was censored in its entirety in March, 2015. Here's a slightly updated version.

"I didn't realize it until I laid eyes on her in the flesh. Assemblymember Michele Fiore, R-Gomorrah South, is the embodiment of the Italian girl my mother always wanted me to marry.

"Alas and alack, I was born 30 years too soon. Blame my parents. I do.

"I had only seen photos until I beheld her in the legislative hallway. The petite blonde looked every bit like the 'young hot little girls' she announced she desperately wants to protect by giving them guns to take to school. (She also says she wants to shoot Syrian refugees.)

"She sauntered past me wearing an extremely form-fitting little black dress. I was standing with several police lobbyists. I noted that Ms. Fiore openly brags that she packs serious heat at all times, even in the legislative building. But she wasn't carrying a purse."

Women often carry guns strapped inside thighs, noted the female officer standing next to me. But Michele's black mini was so tight that any garter holster would have been a very unconcealed weapon.

Rather matter-of-factly, I offered that "the only place she could conceal her .45 is down with her 38's.

"I know she can shoot, but can she cook? Mama would want to know," I smittenly added.

"I fantasize seeing her in that little black dress, wearing an apron in a big kitchen cooking pasta...

"Later that week, Machine Gun Michele testified in favor of Republican Assemblyman Jim Wheeler's Pop Tart gun bill. Because a kid in another state got busted for chewing a Pop Tart into the shape of a gun, the Douglas County cowboy wants to make all Nevada student gun hijinx immune from prosecution.

"St. Joan of Fiore to the rescue! She reportedly showed fellow lawmakers a lower calorie example, a two-inch gun charm she wears around her neck.

"Two inches. Dr. Freud, call your office.

"The romance is in trouble," I concluded.

The new Tribune boss was not amused. Censorship of the above parsimoniously prurient prose generated/produced high irony. The interim Tribune editor had been boss of the Nevada Press Association.

I was crudely reminded that freedom of the press is limited to them what owns one.

The editor simply e'd that the material was "not suitable." That's saying a lot because at one time or other, the Tribune has published all seven of legendary comedian George Carlin's seven words you can't use on TV. Several of same have appeared in the Barbwire as well as in countless other items since 1988. (Please note that there are no dirty words in the above.)

People wondered where the Barbwire went, so I offered this online explanation: If you thought the column trashy, wait till you see the photos, easily accessible on a Las Vegas radio station's website and viewable via the expanded web edition at NevadaLabor.com/

In June, 2015, the infamous editor nuked me yet again.

"The light side of prison escape" was a gag list of what may have been going on in the minds of two convicts who had engineered an ingenious escape from New York's infamous Dannemora supermax,

I write wistfully of the above love's labors lost because now-Las Vegas City Councilmember Fiore is back in the news, defending her former landlord, brothelmeister and probable Nevada Assemblymember Dennis Hof, R-Pahrump.

"Legislators who say they don't want to caucus with Dennis Hof need to put their big girl or big boy panties on and figure it out," Fiore said in a TV interview with journalist Ray Hagar.

My erstwhile fantasy fiancée, among other lawmakers, roomed at Hof's west Washoe Valley home (since burned down) during the 2015 session. Fiore also told Hagar that some of her male legislative colleagues...er...sampled...Hof's wares during legislative brothel tours.

Hey, you can't pass legislation without fact-finding, can you?

How old-fashioned. Facts don't matter in the age of Czar Donaldov.

Gotta hunch they still would to my dear sainted mother. But love conquers all.

Michele, call me.

NOW, AS THEN, APOLOGETICS. Copious mea culpas to all my feminist readers for the above sojourn into male chauvinist piggery, but the heart is a lonely and pasta-craving hunter.

Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno. (Pardon my Spanglish.) / être bien, élever l'enfer (And my French.) / Stammi bene. Scatenare l'inferno. (And Italian.)
_______
Andrew Barbano is a 49-year Nevadan, executive producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, labor/consumer/civil rights advocate, member of Communications Workers of America Local 9413/AFL-CIO and editor of NevadaLabor.com and BallotBoxing.US and SenJoeNeal.org and DoctorLawyerWatch.com/ As always, his opinions are strictly his own. Check local listings for other Nevada cable systems. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Sparks Tribune since 1988 and received its 8th Nevada Press Association award and 5th first-place at the 30 Sept. 2017 NPA annual convention in Carson City. (That trophy and about six bucks will get you a Latte Mocha Cotsafracas Chingade at just about any Starbux worldwide, guaranteed.)

WEB XTRAS & SMOKING GUNS —>

THE BIG 3-0. Sunday, August 12, marked 30 years since the first Barbwire appeared in the Rail City's newspaper of record since 1910. "The Chilling of Hot August Nights" brought the first of my eight Nevada Press Association awards. I'll add more memories of the early days of the Barbwire as time, space and the political season allow.

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