BARBWIRE by ANDREW BARBANO

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2014 Nevada Press Association Award Winner

We elected them, so you know this is gonna hurt.

The Nevada Legislature will shut down next week, perpetuating our penny-pinching, pettifogging production of ever-expanding percentages of poorly prepared post-pubescent misfits, misanthropes and dropouts.

As usual, the Tribune investigative team spared every expense to obtain student answers to the 2013 legislative civics quiz.

Herewith, the brazen, bizarre and bizarrely astute.

WARREN BUFFETT: All you can eat for $4.99 at the Cal-Neva.

[PSYCHIC PREMONITION HANGOVER ALLERGY ALERT: The latter Warren Buffett line was submitted to the Tribune editor prior to the announcement that the rich guy from Dairy Queen Land is taking over NVEnergy, formerly Nevada Power/Sierra Pacific Powerful. Ratepayer rape and pillage now has a new grandfatherly face. BFD]

WARREN BUFFETT: Isn't he the drunk who sang "Margaritaville"?

ASSAULT: The shaker next to the pepper.

ASSAULT RIFLE: A can of Pringle's Potato Chips.

BACKGROUND CHECK: What guys automatically do in the proximity of a shapely wench, perhaps from Prague.

LOBBYIST REGISTRATION: When lobbyists are outlawed, only outlaws will have lobbyists.

SLIPPERY SLOPE: Where gun laws go to die.

CCW: A Proud Mary revival band.

GUN CONTROL: Property of the National Rifle Association.

DNA TEST: If it comes back blue, you're pregnant.

DNA TEST: The thing they give to drunk drivers.

LGBT: The four chromosomes on a DNA strand.

2014 ELECTION: Will last more than four hours. Call your doctor.

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: The 2013 Legislative Session.

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT: The 2015 Legislative Session.

HARRY POTTER: The guy Harry Reid was named after.

GREEN ENERGY: Something made from green cards.

BI-LINGUAL: A fan of AC-DC.

IMMIGRATION: Migration of immature geese.

ELL: An expensive magazine featuring siliconed skinny girls.

MODIFIED BUSINESS TAX: A tax on modified businesses.

EXPEL: Spelling dirty words.

EXPELLED: Kicked out by your ex.

MARGIN TAX: A tax on margarine.

BROTHEL TAX: A tax on soup.

SALES TAX: A tax on sailboats.

SERVICE TAX: Leave veterans alone!

VETO: Foot injury caused by stumbling over grass roots.

K-12: Something my parents use that they don't talk about.

PROPERTY TAX: See K-12.

GAY MARRIAGE: Happens when my parents are happy.

CIVIL UNION: A polite picket line.

SEX EDUCATION: Something Nevada students learn after school.

ONLINE POKER: An Internet porno site.

SEX ED: Name of that creepy poker movie host.

LANE SPLITTING: My dad's comb-over.

MADAME SPEAKER: Somebody who advocates on behalf of abused madames.

MINORITY WHIP: Hurts so good.

MAJORITY WHIP: Costs more. Hurts better.

GROSS PROCEEDS: What happens after too much beer.

NET PROCEEDS: Fish net pantyhose.

PREVAILING WAGE: Price of a dominatrix.

STAR BONDS: Cost extra.

SUNNY SIDE UP: Gov. Sandoval on a tanning bed.

OVER EASY: How Democrats roll.

SCRAMBLED: How Republicans think.

CONSTRUCTION DEFECT: Poor grammar.

MENTAL ILLNESS: Results from smoking menthol cigarettes.

WARD VOTING: Casting a ballot from a Nevada mental hospital.

MENTAL HEALTH: A warm bus ticket.

DRAFT BILL: A law with lots of loopholes.

BILL DRAFT: The dinner tab at Adele's before asking for separate checks.

REAPPORTIONMENT BILL: Separate checks at Adele's.

COMMERCE AND LABOR COMMITTEE: The former results in the latter — about nine months later.

GOVERNMENT AFFAIRS COMMITTEE: Named in honor of former Gov. Jim the Dim, R-19th Century.

CAUCUSING: Something politicians shamelessly do in public.

Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno.

WEB EXTRAS...

HONOR YOUR DON. Keep sending comments supporting legendary Nevada photographer Don Dondero (1920-2003) for the Nevada Press Association Hall of Fame.

His life's work appeared worldwide, including this newspaper.

Enlist in the campaign to install Big Don.

Please send me your memories and endorsements via e-mail or to P.O. Box 10034, Reno NV 89510.

The Barbwire got the late Reno Gazette-Journal columnist Guy Richardson elected last year.

Let's go for a repeat.

BARBWIRE.TV. Support the return of community TV to these parts.

If last year's elections didn't convince you of the need, the 2013 legislature certainly will.

Join up. You may donate at ReSurge.TV or contact me.

This is important.

Thank you.

VOTE FOR THE LUCKY 13, the most powerful Nevadans of 2013. Send nominations to <barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us>

Last year's rogues gallery will be linked to the expanded web edition of this column at NevadaLabor.com/

LET'S GET IT ON. E-me to get on the Barbwire News bulletin list for information not filtered through corporate lenses.

I broke a bushel of major stories last year which the above lead item will very probably top.

Turn on, tune in and tell a friend.

Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno. (Pardon my Spanglish.)

____________

Andrew Barbano is a 44-year Nevadan, chair of the Nevada César Chávez Committee, producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, labor/consumer/civil rights advocate, member of Communications Workers of America Local 9413/AFL-CIO and editor of NevadaLabor.com and JoeNeal.org. As always, his opinions are strictly his own. Check local listings for other Nevada cable systems. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Daily Sparks Tribune since 1988.

Smoking Guns... Enron II: Nevada's Battle-Born Toxic Event Barbwire by Barbano / Expanded from the 6-6-2013 Sparks Tribune Barbwire Corporate Welfare Archive Barbwire Corporate Propaganda Archive Cabellyup.com Longing for the wisdom of the grateful dead Barbwire by Barbano / Expanded from the 5-23-2013 Sparks Tribune Star-stuck: Dirty deals for dirty movies Ghostrider Nicolas Cage sticks it to school kids Barbwire by Barbano / Expanded from the 5-16-2013 Daily Sparks Tribune Mr. Wynnderful waxes wealthier whilst we wither Barbwire by Barbano / Expanded from the 5-9-2013 Daily Sparks Tribune FROM HUGH JACKSON THE LAS VEGAS MEANER GLEANER The best Nevada political commentator alive Policy with the stars Of Wynn service, lip service and Cage fighting Las Vegas CityLife / 5-15-2013 Rules of Disengagement Gov. Veto El Obtúse struck dumb, but with a smile Las Vegas CityLife / 4-17-2013   ...and more ammo... We Don't Need No Education The continuing Barbwire series The Post-Dated Recession: Pay me now or pay me later Barbwire by Barbano / Expanded from the 9-6-2012 Daily Sparks Tribune The Post-dated Recession By Joshua H. Silavent / Daily Sparks Tribune / 5-3-2011 Union decline and rising inequality in two charts by Colin Gordon Economic Policy Institute / 6-5-2012 Used in journalist Mark Robison's extensive Hard Labor: Nevada unions tout role in helping workers, firms, economy (Sunday 2 Sept. 2012 Reno Gazette-Journal, page one, Reno Rebirth section of the print edition). Union men Jim Burrell, Paul McKenzie and Guy Louis Rocha did the movement proud. Not included in the RGJ online edition. WOMEN AND UNIONS — ORPHAN MAJORITIES The Barbwire Labor Day column Reno Gazette-Journal / 9-3-2012 Nevada Press Assn. Better Newspaper Contest HAT TRICK: Barbwire takes first place three years in a row. The winning entries Suing for Schools: The 20-year shuck Expanded from the 2-21-2010 Daily Sparks Tribune Click here to view the show on your desktop RED flags flying low over Sparks Expanded from the 1-10-2010 Daily Sparks Tribune The wrath of self-righteous racism Expanded from the 11-8-2009 Daily Sparks Tribune Government contacts Nev. congressional delegation Nevada Legislature State of Nevada Secretary of State Carson City Clark County City of Las Vegas Douglas County Reno City Council Sparks City Council Washoe County Commission Washoe Registrar of Voters The campaign against forcibly-paid newspaper obituaries And they wonder why the newspaper business is dying?   The Dean's List    The Dean of Reno Bloggers could very well be Andrew Barbano, self-described "fighter of public demons," who started putting his "Barbwire" columns online in 1996 and now runs 10 sites. RENO NEWS & REVIEW, 11-9-2006 The 2009 first-place Nevada Press Association award winners Tony the Tiger & the flaky NFL Barbwire / 11-30-2008 Deregulation is never having to say you're sorry Barbwire / 8-3-2008 Nevada: A good place to visit, but do you want to live here? Barbwire / 6-15-2008 The 2008 first-place Nevada Press Association award winners The price of a piece / 6-17-2007 Boxing Pandora /9-23-2007 The Lady in the Red Dress 10-28-2007 1997 Pulitzer Prize entries ...and more ammo yet The life and times of Travus T. Hipp The best who ever was

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Copyright © 1982-2013 Andrew Barbano

Andrew Barbano is a 44-year Nevadan, editor of NevadaLabor.com and JoeNeal.org; and former chair of the City of Reno's Citizens Cable Compliance Committee, He is producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration and serves as first vice-president, political action chair and webmaster of the Reno-Sparks NAACP. As always, his opinions are strictly his own. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us.

Barbwire by Barbano moved to the Daily Sparks (Nev.) Tribune on Aug. 12, 1988, and has originated in them parts ever since.
How a hall-of-famer's hunch birthed the Barbwire in August of 1987
Tempus fugit.

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