Barbwire by Barbano: Ripoffs, Riches, Riots, Rhymes and R-ratings

Ripoffs, Riches, Riots, Rhymes and R-ratings
Barbwire by Andrew Quarantino Barbáno / Expanded from the Sparks Tribune 10-27-2021 / UPDATED 11-3-2021 / Expansions in blue

Greatest Hits Dept.

WE WON: BIG NEWS FROM THE NEVADA PRESS ASSOCIATION CONFAB IN GOMORRAH SOUTH —> BARBWIRE NOMINEE GUY RICHARDSON INDUCTED INTO HALL OF FAME ON FIRST BALLOT

Barbwire nominee Dennis Myers elected to NPA Hall of Fame

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Barbwire wins 11th Nevada Press Association award

GOLD 2017-18

2018 First-Place Winners
From the depths of despair to the den of iniquity & holy of holies

"Excellent work. These are some of the most moving columns I've read."
— NPA contest judge/9-29-2018

The Grasshopper and
the Dragonfly
9-6-2017

Kicked off the Ledge
4-18-2017

NATIONAL NEWS FIRST-BREAK
Back to the Future in
Mississippi West Nevada
10-18-2017

Gold 2017
Don't ask Renown Med for marijuana to help your chemo
10-4-2016
We Don't Need No Education
Toxic turf threat ignored
12-13-2016
Kate Smith & Lady Gaga
2-14-2017

Bronze 6-pack
In the Uber-Nevada legislature, words can kill
4-28-2015
On artificial turf, don't breathe unless absolutely necessary (above)
11-24-2015
Leading questions, lead-headed leaders
1-19-2016

Hopelessly trying to win an earthquake
4-18-2013
2013 Loony Tunes Legislative Lexicon
5-30-2013
The politics of media ga-ga boosterism
3-20-2014

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1997 Pulitzer Prize entries

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Daily Sparks Tribune 2-10-2008

The Barbwire's Greatest Hits
BEATING LUSH RAMBO AT HIS OWN GAME: Highlights from radio days
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The Dean's List

The Dean of Reno Bloggers could very well be Andrew Barbano, self-described "fighter of public demons," who started putting his "Barbwire" columns online in 1996 and now runs 10 sites.

RENO NEWS & REVIEW, 11-9-2006

Tomorrow's news today —> Subscribe to Barbwire Confidential
TOP SECRET— HushHush!

"We don't care. We don't have to. We are the phone company and we are omnipotent." — Lily Tomlin

So intoned the great comic actress in her star-making turn as Ernestine the obtuse switchboard operator on Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (1968-1973).

Last week proved nothing has changed in half a century.

As of Saturday, only two Reno-based TV stations and ThisIsReno.com had run recent stories about Sunday's midnight switch to 10-digit phone dialing.

When Aunt Susie tried to call Uncle Charley to pick her up for church, she may have panicked that his phone was disconnected.

It's part of a multi-year rollout of a suicide hotline number, 988. Like 911, it "will be available nationwide by July 16, 2022." In the interim, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number of 1-800-273-8255 will remain in effect.

The system certainly needed tweaking. In recent years, I have made "local calls" from Reno to, e.g., Yerington or Minden and found that I often needed to use 775 and sometimes 1-775 before the 7-digit number.

The Federal Communications Commission website says that California and Illinois 708 will have to dial a "1".

Once again, Nevada stands erased from the big picture.

AT&T inserted a bill stuffer in February. Nothing appeared in last week's U.S. Postal Service billings.

So why not some flak from their public relations apparat?

Why did I have to build a fire under local media?

All Nevada area codes are affected. I don't get around much anymore and didn't even know we now have three (775, 702, 725).

As of Monday, I got thru dialing seven, 10 or 11 digits for the same number.

Go figger.

Good luck, Aunt Susie.

RIGHTEOUSLY RIGHT MA BELL. With the expanded online edition of this column you will find links to extensive Reuters and Washington Post investigations about AT&T pouring millions into a new "fake news unless it's ours" TV network.

It's amazing what good reporters can find in court records.

"Without AT&T, the conspiracy-spreading outlet that trafficks in election (fantasies) and horse de-wormer miracle cures would not exist," opined DailyKos.com/

That sure don't sound like the once-benevolent Ma Bell to me.

Or as Ernestine might ask, "Is this the party to whom I'm speaking?"

RIOTOUSLY RAUCUS REPUBLICAN CAUCUS. At presstime came word of a new Rolling Stone exposé accusing five Republican congresscritters and more of conspiring with the January 6 traitors to overthrow the government.

How come nobody ever uses the word "treason" while talking about these bastards?

RHYMES WITH RICH. Move over Sharron Angle, my Italian fantasy madonna Machine Gun Michelle Fiore has thrown her bra into the race for the Republican gubernatorial nomination.

That's not male chauvinist oinkery. With the web edition of this column, I will link R-rated photos the former state assemblymember and Gomorrah South city councilperson published of herself.

Any publicity is good publicity, right?

The shortest-tenured editor in my 33 years with this here major metropolitan newspaper perpetrated the only censorship I've ever suffered in a column (Barbwire 3-10-2015) about the Italian girl I would have brought home to mama (and driven her crazy).

It didn't even have pictures or dirty words.

As adman Jerry DellaFemina once said, "censorship is somebody's hangups."

I wonder if Gov. Sisolak is consulting with former U.S. Senator Harry Reid about helping the braless bandoliera advance to the general election.

Reid hatcheted former newslady Sue ("trade live chickens for medical care") Lowden in the primary and wound up with madcap Sharron Angle as his 2010 GOP opponent.

Even Republican gray eminences supported Reid.

Michelle makes Sharron look reasonable.

That's entertainment!

RICHLY DESERVED. Last Monday, the Sparks City Council declared October 25 as Marsy Kupfersmith Day "and congratulated her on becoming the 2021 Nevada Senior Citizen of the Year. They also thanked her for all of the great work she does for our community," stated City Hall types.

Sweet, energetic Marsy, who looks about 25 and ready to lead Wolf Pack cheers, uplifts everyone she meets and has used that natural talent to become a local public service dynamo.

Long may she run.

RAJAN'S RUBRIC REDUX. In Sunday's Reno Gazette-Journal, Hindu religious leader Rajan Zed asked his peers "Is it too late to build a better world?"

Everybody answered positively in accordance with her/his mythology. I've yet to detect a sense of humor among any of the auguste holypersons in all the years that column's been promulgating piety.

So here's my take from my favorite holy man, George Carlin: "Save the planet? Save the planet? We can't even save ourselves!" Carlin soared and roared.

"The Earth is fine. The Earth has been around for four-and-half-billion years. The earth isn't going anywhere. WE ARE!"

Like the late great Carlin, I grew up in Catholic school and if that doesn't get you thinking outside the book and the box, you weren't paying attention.

Carlin wondered if God had forgotten to make plastic when he created the world and now that we've made it, perhaps mankind has served its purpose, the Earth plus plastic.

"Some pray to God. That's OK," Carlin once said, noting that God answered about half the time. "I pray to Joe Pesci and get about the same results."

Human lifespan isn't the geologic time equivalent of the eyelash bat of a bantamweight flea.

Artists have been showing us our self-destructive nature for eons.

"When will they ever learn?" Pete Seeger once sang.

I can visualize an archaeologist a few million years from now digging deep and finding the only surviving mysterious remnant of a lost civilization.

Wonder what he'll think about an encrusted rotary telephone?

Made of plastic, of course.

REAL NEWS. I'm sworn to secrecy, but monitor NevadaLabor.com as the recent Teamsters Union victory over the blackguards who run the local bus system goes national.

Take care of each other and be careful out there.