Who knew that a tax return-free Ides of April could come at so high a cost.

I take solace in knowing that we puny creatures are not alone here on our troubled speck of rotating stardust. Somebody cares.

STUCK ON U. Last week, I did something I've never done heretofore in my entire checkered career. I came up with the most original excuse ever handed to an editor for going past deadline.

"My keyboard just failed (stuck on the letter 'U' repeating)," I wrote.

"Nothing worked, not alcohol, not cleaning spray, not violence, not sweet talk, not curses. I fortunately found the only USB-equipped board I had among a half-dozen oldies. It's clunky but it works."

About an hour after submitting last week's screed, I felt a strange paranormal sensation. I almost started looking for strange lights.

"Stop the presses!" I wrote to editor Eric Dahlberg.

"The Trib just got a worldwide scoop — a message from The King.

"Of rock 'n' roll.

"Hisself."

It had occurred to my foggy memory that "Stuck on You" is a 1960 Elvis hit, his first number one after leaving US Army service.

Us mere mortals had been contacted from Gold Record Heaven.

I don't know about Mr. Dahlberg, but I felt so blessed. Made me want to dance.

Or take pills. Or both.

BERNIE DEJA VU. The now-neutered Democratic presidential nominating contest is giving me worse Sixties vibes.

The great Sen. Bernie Sanders let it slip away because he's such a nice guy. I'm surprised that somebody born in Brooklyn forgot legendary Dodgers manager Leo Durocher's most famous admonition: "Nice guys finish last."

Bernie made the decision not to attack former veep Joseph Biden before the decisive South Carolina primary. Biden remains wide open for his support of the mid-90s crime bill which created the for-profit prison industry, mostly at the expense of black men and their families.

I've never forgiven Biden for letting Clarence get on the Supreme Court. (Read "Dark Justice" by Ann Meyer. Or get the docudrama of the same title. Or my nationally-syndicated 1991 column.)

Mr. Thomas is now the senior billygoat gruff among the five homotextual blackrobes (Barbwire 3-4-2020) who made people risk their lives to vote in Wisconsin last week. (At least a retro-reactionary Republican state supreme justice lost and lost badly despite slobbering support from Czar Donaldov —  who of course takes no responsibility.)

The stage is now set for an instant replay of 1968. Sen. Eugene McCarthy, D-Minn., was the logical choice after the assassination of Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, D-NY. President Lyndon Johnson and Chicago Mayor Richard Daly felt otherwise and shunted the nomination to Vice-President Hubert Horatio Humphrey. The legendary Chicago Democratic National Convention was riotous fun, a bloody good time. (See the docudrama "Medium Cool.") The result: President Richard Milhous Nixon.

Should Mr. Biden's health falter, it will be very interesting to see who gets the nomination, especially at an online convention.

Has the Coronavirus demonstrated the wisdom of Medicare for All?

DEJA VU PART DEUX. I lived through a Nevada version. In 1998, the gambling-industrial complex had its collective shorts in a bunch that my friend Sen. Joe Neal, D-North Las Vegas, might win his party's gubernatorial nomination.

They could never let such a thing happen. He was black, after all. Geewillikers. Worse, he wanted to raise the still-puny taxes on the Nevada gambling industry's largest, most-profitable casinos.

On the last day of filing, the Gomorrah South titans interrupted Las Vegas Mayor Jan Jones' chemotherapy in Phoenix to fly her home to enter the primary against Sen. Neal.

Now-defrocked casino mogul Steve Wynn promptly pronounced both Jones and the eventual winner, Republican Kenny Guinn, as acceptable to his wonderfulness.

Occasionally, there is justice in the world. Guinn eventually signed Neal's gross gaming tax increase into law.

PREVIEWS: Watch NevadaLabor.com for some serious fireworks regarding local bus system safety. And in next week's Barbwire, a local bartender gets his 15 minutes of fame but at a cost: He does it in his underwear.

MORE DIRTY POLITICS. Coronavirus Internet meme (aka bumper sticker): "Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last if you freeze it?"

Barbwire: New or used?

Barbwire reader: True conservatives know that you use less if it's frozen.

Glad to know that at least a few conservatives care about saving the forests.

Stay safe and take care of each other.

BOUNCING BALL GAMES. As I noted last week, after Reno Mayor Hillary Schieve ordered golf courses closed, then Gov. Sisolak overruled her.

"The golf courses have been a serious bone of contention with me," she informed me.

"I am working on it but you’re correct, the governor overrides my power. (I am) trying to see what I can do to mitigate this. I honestly think during this time we should be taking a strict approach to flattening the curve and saving lives."

Many jurisdictions have banned golf and some courses have filed suit to re-open.

I sent Mlle. Mayor a query because some of my readers complained about finding errant balls which can carry the Coronavirus. Apparently, microbes don't make balls fly straighter.

UPDATE WEDNESDAY 4-8-2020: The mayor is apparently quite persuasive. Late Wednesday afternoon on the day this column hit news stands, her position was adopted by the governor hisself. In his statewide press conference, Gov. Steve Sisolak ordered all golf courses, skateboard parks and basketball courts closed. He said people have been sending photos of golfers in groups, not using individual carts, people on basketball courts and skateboard parks. Perhaps we were part of the last straw on the donkey's back.

CHANGE THE DATE / SAVE THE DATE — Friday, October 23. For obvious reasons, I've moved César Chávez XVIII from March 31, the great labor leader's 93rd birthday. The event will be held at the Atlantis Resort, sponsored by Laborers' Union Local 169, the Reno-Sparks NAACP and the usual suspects. Doors open 5:30, dinner 6:30-ish. I don't know how I'll top my greatest hits of a cherried-out Aretha Franklin 1965 pink Cadillac convertible (with suitable live music) followed by Nevada Gov. Steve Sisolak with suitable politics, but I'm working on it. Ex-Tribunite Dennis Myers will become the first journalist inducted to the César Chávez Nevada Labor Hall of Fame. In addition to the HOF, nominations remain open for union organizer, employer and project of the year. Reservations at CesarChavezNevada.com/

This is the second time I've moved it and will do so again if necessary. I'm even shopping for union-made Christmas pIñatas. Maybe I can get one that looks like Mitch McConnell.

Be careful out there. And take care of each other.

Andrew Barbano is a 51-year Nevadan, executive producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, superannuated labor/consumer/civil rights advocate, member of Communications Workers of America Local 9413/AFL-CIO and editor of NevadaLabor.com and BallotBoxing.US and SenJoeNeal.org and DoctorLawyerWatch.com and Protect Our Washoe.org and ChantalCoalition.org/ He is a withdrawn-in-good-standing member of Culinary Local 226. As always, his opinions are strictly his own. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us. He has lived in both northern and southern Nevada during his half-century+ in the Silver State. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Sparks Tribune since 1988 and received its 10th Nevada Press Association award (6 of 10 first-place) at the 21 Sept. 2019 NPA annual convention in Ely. In 1996, he was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize for a six-month investigative series. His multi-media road construction zone safety campaign for Laborers' Union Local 169 won a first-place award from the National Safety Council in a nationwide competition. (Such ephemera and about six bucks will get you a Latte Mocha Cotsafracas Chingade at just about any Starbux worldwide, guaranteed.) His work has appeared on CNN, in The New York Times, The Guardian of London/UK and more important publications.

WEB XTRAS & SMOKING GUNS —>

Veni, Vidi, Jockocracy?
Locker room rules: Caesars goes commando, union vows resistance to Eldorado empire
By Bryan Horwath / Las Vegas Sun 6-28-2019 / Reno Gazette-Journal 7-8-2019

Eldorado-Caesars merger means labor union battles far beyond Reno & Las Vegas
Culinary Union leader D. Taylor: "Where are they going to cut?"
Building trade union campaigns continue
By Ed Komenda / Reno Gazette-Journal / 6-27-2019

[4-20-2019] — About 100 demonstrators from almost all the region's unions, local community service organizations and political activists joined Culinary Union members picketing Circus Circus in the late afternoon of April 18. A couple of CC suits came out to see what all the fuss was about, as if they didn't already know. In addition to the familiar union "contract now!" chants came calls for a strike against the Carano jocks. ¡Viva Huelga! ¡Sí se puede!

REAL NEWS DEPT. In January 2019, Culinary Union Local 226 defeated an attempt by Circus Circus-Reno to decertify (terminate) the union's representation of its workers. No word on whether management plans to appeal the result to the National Labor Relations Board which was recently put out of business for 35 days. Thank you, Czar Donaldov.