There stood I at DMV waiting to get mugshotted for a new four-year driver's license.

The kid who had just examined my eyes had expressed surprise that this old man could see so well, so I was feeling kinda pumped.

"You look like Hammy," said a skinny teen standing ahead of me.

"Who?" said I.

"Dr. Hammond. Haven't you seen the 'Jurassic Park' movies?" his well-tattooed dad remarked.

"Yes," said I, "all but the most recent one."

"You look just like Dr. John Hammond, the guy who invented the amusement park," said dear old dad.

"Huh? You think I look like the late, great Sir Richard Attenborough, one of the finest actors and directors who ever lived?"

"Yep, right down to the hair," quoth the kid.

Actually, Sir Dickie's hair in the films was a lot shorter than mine is currently, but at my stage in life, I gratefully accept all compliments.

Even if I have to admit to being a dinosaur, which I am.

BALLARDINI BLUES. Last week, I termed the 2006 Ballardini Ranch debacle a black hole. Actually, it's black and blue and still bruising.

The last remaining large swath of open space in the Truckee Meadows was well on its way to being acquired as permanent parkland when four Republican county commissioners chickened out. Adding insult to injury, they were intimidated into handing some Minnesota speculators $15 million plus attorneys' fees just for hurting the rich guys' feelings.

The 1,019-acre tract in southwest Reno remains a refuge for bears, birds and bunnies. Apparently, the carpetbaggers couldn't develop their way out of a wet paper sackful of corporate welfare.

On-site signs recently popped up offering the property for development. It won't fly. The Tesla-spawned boom is busting (Barbwire July 4) and recession looms, the same conditions that saved the land a dozen years ago.

The developers are fat on the deal so it's time to watch every wrinkle. They've already made their money and may want to fire-sale the land/site before they get stuck paying more ongoing taxes on a non-producing asset.

Otherwise, taxpayers will have a hard time cooling off during this smokin' hot season. Turns out that the 2006 county commission ending up sticking the public for over $30 million. Apparently, they put that $15 million on the equivalent of a high-limit, high rate credit card. [UPDATE: The four "conservative Republicans" on the 2006 commission financed the settlement with total costs to date, $35,175,000.00; $3,560,000.00 remains outstanding with Interest costs still accumulating.]

By doing so, they became avatars of the future, foreshadowing the deficit spending of the current "fiscally conservative" GOP Congress. The four billygoats gruff of yesteryear were little more than prescient pikers by comparison. Today, fiscal conservatism is not just endangered. That hoary dinosaur is dead meat well on its way to fossil tar pits.

The gods of recession intervened as I predicted then and have again. You may access the entire sordid saga of Love's Labours Lost via ProtectOurWashoe.org/ 

The Great Recession killed the first attempt to bulldoze the bears and bunnies. Great Depression2 (Barbwire 12-27-2017 et seq.) will provide instant replay.

Karma dictates that justice be done. Sometimes, depression defeats depredation.

TESLA TRIBULATIONS. The plant east of Sparks is about 40 percent complete. Preparing footings for the next phase has been postponed from March until October. Suppliers are walking away because Tesla isn't paying. Workers are losing their jobs. A workforce that was suppose to number from 2,000 to 5,000 has reportedly dwindled to just a few hundred.

I found it curiously coincidental that just when British journalist Rory Carroll of The Guardian (one billion monthly page views) starting poking around Sparks (see below) interviewing desperate renters and homeless victims of the Tesla boom, Spacex Cadet Elon Musk and company started wallpapering the world with positive PR.

A major new plant in China? Right. Panasonic talking about making a major new investment? Sure.

Mr. Carroll and I found out that if the major Japanese electronics firm pulls out, Tesla is toast. Panasonic rents the second floor of the sprawling assembly plant which has had trouble assembling anything of late.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk flew to Thailand to grandstand with a ramshackle, Rube Goldberg contraption of a submarine that was as useless as an eyedropper in a forest fire.

In a shameless PR stunt, Musk delivered the jerry-rigged craft to "save" the world-famous child soccer team stranded in a flooded cave. It could have worked, I suppose, had he also invented a way to shrink the sub and its inhabitants to the size of toys in order get through tiny openings in the rocks.

Apparently, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott and the Starship Enterprise were not available.

ANALOG ASSEMBLAGE ASCENDANT. Perhaps the biggest embarrassment came recently when Tesla's carbon-based (aka people) assembly line started putting out more batteries than its silicon-based (aka robotic) counterparts.

Recalcitrant robotics are the reason Tesla is experiencing long delays in producing autos.

Maybe the 'bots should sign with the United Auto Workers union.

Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno. (Pardon my Spanglish.) / être bien, élever l'enfer (And my French.) / Stammi bene. Scatenare l'inferno. (And Italian.)
_______
Andrew Barbano is a 49-year Nevadan, executive producer of Nevada's annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, labor/consumer/civil rights advocate, member of Communications Workers of America Local 9413/AFL-CIO and editor of NevadaLabor.com and BallotBoxing.US and SenJoeNeal.org and DoctorLawyerWatch.com/ As always, his opinions are strictly his own. Check local listings for other Nevada cable systems. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Sparks Tribune since 1988 and received its 8th Nevada Press Association award and 5th first-place at the 30 Sept. 2017 NPA annual convention in Carson City. (That trophy and about six bucks will get you a Latte Mocha Cotsafracas Chingade at just about any Starbux worldwide, guaranteed.)

WEB XTRAS & SMOKING GUNS —>

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