BARBWIRE
by
 The 90's finally caught up with me. I've been downsized. All Daily Sparks
Tribune columnists are now limited to 800 words. That's roughly 50% off my
average the past year, but don't expect half-price subscriptions anytime
soon. You'll find fuller versions of this and future installments here on
the NevadaWeb.I should look at the bright side. Unlike the average American worker who's
lost double-digit ground since 1973, I've effectively been awarded a 50%
pay increase. There is thus no better time for the Fat 90's Downsize This!
Awards, named in honor of Michael Moore, populist author of the bestseller
of the same name.1. GENERAL MOTORS: With a $2.1 billion profit the past three months, why
not spread some around to striking workers and overcharged customers?
Matching pay increases with price cuts means zero effect on inflation and
thus lower interest rates for GM, so everybody wins. I'll even downsize my
economic consulting fee.2. TCI CABLE, new owner of the Trib, had nothing to do with downsizing
columns but still deserves an award because TCI subscribers, like me, pay a
third more than Continental Cable customers, like my kid. And he gets more
premium channels. Downsize that price! You can afford it.3. MEGABUX MINING MOGULS win the propaganda trophy for ads praising
themselves for merely following reclamation law. The ads don't mention
their support of Rep. Jim Gibbons' (R-Nev.) attempts to repeal it.4. THE GAMBLING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX recently succeeded in raising taxes on
everyone else, then pushed through tax cuts for itself. Casino funny money
is now fully deductible at face value. A coupon which cost a fraction of a
cent to print can generate a dollar or five dollars in deductions. Nevada
already has the lowest gambling taxes in the country. This downsizes them
further.5. STEVE WINS AGAIN: Gomorrah South gambling mogul Steve Wynn got our
corrupt state lawmakers to give him about $7.5 million in sales and
personal property tax breaks on the art he's buying for the new Bellagio,
an Italian-themed resort. The audacity of this legal thievery would make
the Mafia envious.6. MORAL OBTUSENESS AWARDS go to University of Nevada intellectual harlots
and those who paid them off. Southern Pacific Railroad bought a study
blaming the city of Reno for not moving SP's dangerous downtown tracks.
Gamblers paid for a report supportive of legislation increasing taxes on
everyone but themselves. ARCO funded one justifying as helpful to consumers
a new law allowing BigOil to monopolize more gas stations. The professors
who peddled the dirty papers made big bucks for whoring out the
university's name to add legitimacy to bastardized, bogus, biased research
against the interests of the very taxpayers who support higher education.7. UTILITY BILLS: The same law which gave ARCO and friends a new license
to steal also "deregulated" public utilities. The bottom line: you and I
continue to pay more for gas and electricity than gamblers and miners. "It
is doubtful that residential and small commercial users will see the same
benefits large customers will," state consumer advocate Fred Schmidt told
me.8. BLUE PLATE SPECIAL: Holders of older blue and white auto license plates
were pleased to learn that lawmakers okayed manufacture of new ones for
current holders. Seems harmless, right? Wrong. The same law makes all
drivers pay for new plates by 2001. It was pushed by companies selling
license plate materials. They will score $3.4 million while our wallets get
downsized by $6.5 million.9. SUPER BALLS: Reno can't afford to fix potholes but Mayor Jeff Griffin
wants to find $1.5 million to entice the San Francisco 49ers to move their
training camp here. He suggests using room taxes, currently mismanaged by
our bankrupt convention authority, proprietors of a financial hemorrhage
called the National Bowling Stadium.10. BOWLING TROPHY: Downtown gamblers recently praised the bowling palace
as "worth its weight in gold" to them. Casino interests paid nothing for
the still incomplete facility and have offered zero to cover some $20
million in cost overruns. To make up the difference, local parks and
recreation will get skimmed for years.11. SILVER SCREEN WELFARE QUEEN: Syufy/Century theatres, which last Monday
won the right to buy choice downtown Sparks property at below-market value,
courtesy of a unananimous city council.12. WELFARE QUEEN TWO: The average welfare recipient, a despicable
seven-year-old, who now faces starvation in the state consistently named
the unhealthiest and most dangerous in the nation.13. THE BOOZE BROTHERS: Nevada liquor and gambling interests succeeded in
killing a liquor tax increase to fund substance abuse education. The tax
would hurt sales, said juice lobbyist Harvey Whittemore. Nevada drug czar
Dorothy North of Elko has vowed to take it to the people via statewide
initiative. Roses to her, thorns to Darth Harvey and his booze troops.14. A DRINK TO THE DOWNSIZED: Reno Hilton security guards, local cab
drivers, Virginian Hotel and Woolworth's workers who lost their jobs and
benefits this year in the name of corporate efficiency.15. THE GRANDSTAND HOT DOG AWARD goes to Sen. Mark James (R-Las Vegas),
whose ambition is only surpassed by his opportunism. He gave us the
urgently needed Mike Tyson earbiting law and a ban on dirty cartoons like
the naked androgynous Tinkerbells in Disney's 1942 Fantasia.16. THE 120-DAY SOLUTION. Lawmakers hailed a bill allowing Nevadans to
vote to downsize legislative sessions to only 120 days every two years.
It's a shuck. A compressed timeframe means only fatcats get their bills
introduced, let alone heard. Citizens may as well not show up. The fastest
growing state in the nation cannot be run by a part-time legislature frozen
in the 1960s. Might as well abolish the ledge and just let big business
lobbyists write the laws and carry them to the governor for signature.17. THE JOHN WAYNE BOBBITT AWARD goes to all our downsized Tribune
columnists. Just remember, while the blade gets shorter each time it's
sharpened, it cuts with more precision thereafter and...oops, out of space.
Barely room for the standard signoff...Be well. Raise hel
Andrew Barbano is a Reno-based syndicated columnist and 28-year Nevadan.Barbwire by Barbano has appeared in the Sparks Tribune since 1988. Part of this column originally published 7/20/97.Nevada Instant Type in Sparks and both Office Depot Reno locations. |
|
 |
|